you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
