Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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