If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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