jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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