I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
