I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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