Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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