i barfeds in our rink
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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