i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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