Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
