i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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