I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
