Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
