oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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