At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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