I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
