I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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