I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
