bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize