Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
