he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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