i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
