Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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