I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
