Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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