trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
