he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
