She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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