she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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