Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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