if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
