The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
