It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
