you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
