Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
