Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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