We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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