My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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