I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
