Where did you get a picture of my penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
