Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My feet surprised me
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