awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
