I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
