i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
