Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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