I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
