I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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