Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Are we still banned from the library?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
