You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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