Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
