made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
