i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
