Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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