She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
