Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
