Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
