I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best revenge is premature balding
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
