it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
