i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize