Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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