she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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