Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
