How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize