I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
