Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
