I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
