arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
