plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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