All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
