my mouth tastes like poor choices
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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