My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize