everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
